15/12/11

If everything goes smooth,

today would be the second month of our annivesary.

Changes always faster than plannning,

never thought this will happen;

but it is happen.

Last month was our first month annivessary,

that time you forgot,

after i hint you said to me happy annivessary.

At that moment i feel so sweet and lovely,

but now everything changed.

Looked back the texts in my mobile,

all those memories that spent with you been recalled.

The first time you said you love me,

the first time you so jealous about me and my guy friend,

the first time you so worry about me when i sick,

the first time you scold me when i think negative,

the first time we argue and so on.

I miss the way you looking at me,

i miss the way you laugh me,

i miss the way you concern me,

i miss the way you love me,

i miss the way you care me,

i miss the way you tease me,

i miss the way you angry me as well.

I miss the way you hug me,

i miss the way you kiss me,

i miss the way you hold me,

i miss the way you for everything.

Today i told you that i miss you,

but what is the respond i get from you?

Between your answer gives me a clear answer,

at that moment i laugh at myself,

why am i think so simple and silly???

Maybe you'll feel frustrating after you saw it,

but yes or no, actually not a big deal for me,

i thinking is that a right choice to tell you i miss you?

I never get an answer for that question,

what i can say is.......

just let it.......

If there is a day or whole month i never find you,

will you miss me all the times?

On and off asking myself those silly question,

between i feel happy when my lecturer told me that

he gradually feel happy with my improvement,

it gaves me motivation to work better in this 2 weeks time,

so.............WORK FOR IT!!!

*struggling*

Struglling struggling struggling,

i hate struggling !!

Why am i so struggling at this moment?

I don't want struggling, i don't want!!

What can i do now?

Im forcing myself not to think about you,

but why it seems like so hard for me?

Am i never try it hard or i don't wish to forget?

Although forcing myself not to concern anything about you,

but seriously im fail to do so.

The more i forcing myself, the more i miss you,

it sounds so silly and naive.

I know i had stand up from where i fall,

even forcing myself use to it with the life without your texts and phone call,

but why am i keep looking and waiting?

You are everything in my mind,

therefore i feel sad and hurt when you treat me cold,

i know i shouldn't do so, i understand.

I really need someone to support me,

i very wish the person is you,

but that is impossible for now, and i know it.

Maybe im too soft to handling this kind of emotion,

i shall learn to be a tough girl.

Stand up from where you fall isn't tough,

but you need to keep move it when those memories appear in your mind;

and that is tough for me,

and that is what makes me struggling as well.

I shall find the way out, i must!

December of 2011 part 1

December of 2011 part 1

What will you do when you facing problem?

Avoid? Face it? Ignore?

I'm struggling yet confusing right now,

what can i do to makes it better?

Recently really got no appetite to have any food,

those food in front of me but i got no mood to have it no matter how delicious it is.

I just only had little bit for whole week,

keep feel dizzy and out of energy and quiet as well.

Even i went to other people's house with my guys friend,

they all keep asking me why i eat so less although the dishes are delicous?

I told them i no appetite to eat and asked them enjoyed.

Luckily im not the only girls, other girls still enjoyed it as well,

after that i found the photo of us for prom night in my collegemate's photo album.

My friend said the photo looks not bad,

and i knows that is the only photo i taken with you on that day.

I download and save it in my laptop as well.

When i joined 2 of my guy friends went for PC fair,

I felt dizzy and not well perhaps not pale face,

but 2 of my guy friends did not realize that at all,lucky.

I thought i can meet the one i miss,

but too bad the person not at there, sad.

After that, had dinner together with my guy friends,

at that moment i only realized both of them quite gentleman.

While they chat about my problems, they just adviced not to think so much,

for the dinner, i only had a bit as well but keep chatting as well.

I sure three of us enjoyed the moment we chatted,

because from this chatting i knew we changed our impression for each other.

1 is my leader, and another is my collegemates;

but i never went out with the collegemate before although we know quite long.

But i know my collegemates really changed his impression about me and my leader,

i think this is the best chance to know each other more deeper.

It is rarely to get a friend in college can chat and share so much with you,

i sure we really appreciated this kind of pure friendship between both gender.

We shared our experience and thinking with each other,

perhaps we can have another chatting like yesterday again.

The whole day, the only thing in my mind is you;

but i know there is nothing i can do at this moment,

i know my friends are worry about me,

but i really need time to remanage it and fnd the way out;

i really appreciate the support from all of you!!