thanks

Headache few days still haven't recover even worst, haiz.. This morning "boss" just called me after he knew i didn't eat medicine even headache then we chat a lots, he said he curious that why recently i so listened to his word? I answered him that i don't know, i am not happy yet i am trying to make myself hapy back because "daddy" told me that if certain thing you don't know how to do for next, just leave it make your own mood happy back then only find the solution, perhaps this is a good way for me. Sometime i was thinking why can't i mature as "daddy"? Today i got the answer i want, don't know how to explain my feeling. Err, it can be sad,upset, and many feeling mix together. Perhaps i wish something could change, but is that possible? "daddy" said to me,if i got the answer then just do, but don't regret once i do. I did try to don't care so much, don't bother so much but end up you complain to me. I knew i too care about you, but what you make me feel is im not important for you, perhaps im nothing for you. I also wish i fell wrong but... Erm, actually i also want to thanks all the friends who know im sick and concern about me and give me some support and opinion to me while im lost my direction i really appreciate thanks. Today i chat with a friend who came back from Beijing, long time i didn't chat with him. I very enjoy when i chat with him, we chat lots of problems and jokes make me keep on laughing. I very miss the time when the time we both are single and can chat many things, today i feel like we both like back to the past, very enjoy and happy. Since he went to Beijing we seldom contact each other, but i believe we are good friend even we know each other not very long. Later i have to attend class, today is last class for this week after that when i come back i will go out with my parent for dinner, hopefully today will be a good and happy day..

not feeling well

This morning not feeling well, because when i wake up at 6:30am my head was very heavy and pain then i continue sleep until my mum called me. Recently i sleep early before 12am but still can not feeling well, wonder what the problem that cause me feel not well? Whole day my head very heavy and pain, feel like no energy to do anything luckily today i do not have any class if not i don't know how am i pay attention. Yesterday i having class on evening, then i was run from the car park till the class because i seldom late to class and i worry the lecturer was in the class, lucky he wasn't there and not only me late to class. After finish the class i only realized raining and i didn't bring my umbrella so have to run to my car, end up my bag,pant,hair and shirt was wet. Then i have to pack my dinner alone, when i reach home i was very cold and quickly changed my pant and shirt. I feel very tired after finished my dinner but i still bear till 10:30pm only go to my bed and listening song until i sleep. Perhaps after this chinese new year i will become very busy, because i know my quizes,mid term,assignments,replacement classes will come to me after chinese new year, so now is the sweet time for me to relax and keep my energy after that my panda eye will appear hehehe...That day i read one of my friend's blog, even i not very close with her but i realized that she changed. Maybe the changes of her is good, perhaps she can live happily and appreciate whatever she having. I remember got a person told me before, he said he couldn't understand me how come i can change my mood so fast yet he also realized that i changed. He told me that he miss the girl that he know before not the one had changed. That time i was asking myself silently is that worth? my changes is good for me or bad?

unhappy day

Today......hmm...not very happy..
keep on listening the same songs but bit disappointed because "daddy"didn't online..
i worry about "daddy" because sick still can play game,really like a child...haha..
but also have to thanks "daddy" that accompany me when i need last night..thanks you "daddy"
today i mostly keep quiet and do my thing feel like don't wish to talk because i not in mood,
sometime i am thinking how could be 2 people from different background become friend?
every people have different opinion to a thing, how could they communicate?
sometime is me too care about you or you didn't care me at all?
even i knew that's the fact and truth but i still wish it won't become true...but unluckily it's not..
fact could not change,even you did not tell me anything but i know what i feel is correct..
you said i keep on change my mood,but you never think why will i keep on change it easily..
i told you before that my mood change sure got something happen,but you never listen it..
when certain thing happen you don't know try to use another way to think about it,you just think from your side only..
perhaps is me too care about you and make me become like this..


they said why their 2 children look different when facing exam?
X is too relax and yet Y is very nervous?
but they will not know actually X is nervous than Y..
not X relax but both of you did not realize how nervous is X...and no one ask X whether nervous or not,X feel neglected and sad but no one know..
they said they don't know when X having exam,but did they know even X tell them when X having their exam could they lower the volume while they watching tv?
is X look like relax when X having exam?
X know they have high expectation but X can't reach,X also sad but who know?

problem??

I don't know how am i going to start this blog to express my feeling, it had been some times that i did not update my blog. Recently, facing some problem but when thing happen i did not tell anyone of my friend, i just keep it alone and start to think the way to solve it. Friend, i know you facing some problem, don't worry i will help you to solve those problem with you. Hehe..i don't know why i like to discuss the problem with you when you tell me your problem, i enjoy the time with you. Don't worry no matter what happen i still will stand beside you as i can. My problem..i also don't know how to describe also, perhaps i can use time to think and find the solution to solve the problem. I didn't tell anyone that what problem that i facing, because i don't wish to become their burden when they having and facing their own problem. I don't wish they unhappy because of me maybe i also need to think the way to solve by myself, don't worry i know what am i doing right now. Thanks friend for understand that why i didn't tell you my problem when i face it, give me some time to solve it, if i really can't bear then i will find you and i also know that you will always beside me wherever you are. I know you are concern about me, don't worry me. I know every problem is a challenge in my life, if i can solve it that mean i learn something and gain experience from there. in this world nothing is free, if you want to get or gain something you must pay something.

this few days i chat quite lots with her, slowly i know many things that i don't know in past. i not sure after i know those is good or bad for me, but when she said i just quiet and listening without give her any advice or comment. is her word make me like this? i not sure...perhaps is not..

08/10/08

yesterday he online again, and he did find me and chat. this time he still ask me the same thing, which is how are you?then i just answer his question i said so so, and asked him back how are you? he answered that just like that,still same and still alone. after that he tried to explain to me that that day he said break not because of the girl, end up he and the girl also no together. when i heard that i just said past already, no need explain to me. i know he still worry about me, he knew he hurt me quite deep so he want to make sure that i ok maybe he feel guilty to me but all that also past. certain hurt and pain it doesn't recover in short term, even long term also will feel pain and will not recover easily. slowly and slowly i feel much better after few weeks make myself busying with my stuff till very late only rest, i knew if i continue like that i sure will fall sick but i don't wish i still got time to think other things to remind him and those memory that me and him passed through. after that i sent him a message said that i just wish he happy, no matter he couple with who i also will wish him and i also said that i feel much better asked him no need worry about me. maybe got people will feel i stupid why still send message to him, but i also treat him as a friend only, no more others.. i don't wish to hate him i know its tired if i hate someone, maybe its better that i treat him as a normal friend that i having..

p/s: today i went to dentist appoinment again,haiz..very pain..thanks for your forgiveness..i will appreciate with that..will not repeat same thing again..

presentation..

today i wake up late,i suppose to wake up at 6:40 i wake up but switch off the alarm and continue sleep until 7:30 only wake up automatically then i shock that because i know i will late then faster prepare my thing and try to go out from house before 8am only will not late to college to practice our role play for the last time before presentation started..i dressed up as formal suit and i not sure whether is it look like a boss but i just know because of this presentation i wear the shoes that make my leg very painful and hurtful and have to stick 6 plaster each leg stick 3 plaster..haiz.because of the shoes i have to take off my shoes and walk in the corridor that without shoes with my friend hahaha...funny right?? we walked without shoes to find lecturer and lecturer ask us why we take out our shoes? we said because leg very pain, lecturer also laugh..not only lecturer when we walk in the corridor we knew that many people look at us when we walked thru the corridor but we did not bother because our leg very pain..is that the price that we need to pay??haha..today presentation..so far i think is quite good..our group member did put much effort for this role play hopefully we can get the high mark for this role play..when the role play was started the lecturer record all the group performance..after the presentation 5 members take picture as a memory..hehe..

p/s: to all my friend, i know all of you been worried about me since yesterady night, but i need time to get my way out and will force myself to accept the FACT that i need to accept once it happened to me.i know i have to bear with those complicated with myself once the thing happened to me, maybe i still will remind those memory with that but i believe i can do it..thanks all my fellow friend that you all still care me let me feel that no matter what happen you all still around me as well..thanks..

studies...

yesterday i whole night no sleep, until this morning 7 am something i only fall asleep but keep on awake after an hour i sleep which mean i awake at 8 something then i continue sleep and awake at 9 something until 12pm something i only wake up from sleep. when i wake up i feel bit headache and hungry..hehe..this time break my record again..i never thought that i can whole night no sleep but yesterday i did it..hmm....nothing to be proud of also...haha..tonight i have to sleep early very sleepy and tired, if tonight i sleep late again i sure become panda..hahaha..after wednesday i have to revise and prepare for my mid-term test for this friday..after that i have to rush for assignment then have to rush for final exam..then my semester will end lo..but now i have to suffer for few weeks before my semester going to end..temporary for now...i just want to study and do all the thing that i supose to do then only solve those thing that i need to solve..i don't wish there is something can make me lost my attention on study..other than that..i don't want think first, this semester my life looks like very busy than my long semester, everything have to rush and rush..somemore got continuosly few days morning class..this semester can make me become a panda..haiz..