unhappy day

Today......hmm...not very happy..
keep on listening the same songs but bit disappointed because "daddy"didn't online..
i worry about "daddy" because sick still can play game,really like a child...haha..
but also have to thanks "daddy" that accompany me when i need last night..thanks you "daddy"
today i mostly keep quiet and do my thing feel like don't wish to talk because i not in mood,
sometime i am thinking how could be 2 people from different background become friend?
every people have different opinion to a thing, how could they communicate?
sometime is me too care about you or you didn't care me at all?
even i knew that's the fact and truth but i still wish it won't become true...but unluckily it's not..
fact could not change,even you did not tell me anything but i know what i feel is correct..
you said i keep on change my mood,but you never think why will i keep on change it easily..
i told you before that my mood change sure got something happen,but you never listen it..
when certain thing happen you don't know try to use another way to think about it,you just think from your side only..
perhaps is me too care about you and make me become like this..


they said why their 2 children look different when facing exam?
X is too relax and yet Y is very nervous?
but they will not know actually X is nervous than Y..
not X relax but both of you did not realize how nervous is X...and no one ask X whether nervous or not,X feel neglected and sad but no one know..
they said they don't know when X having exam,but did they know even X tell them when X having their exam could they lower the volume while they watching tv?
is X look like relax when X having exam?
X know they have high expectation but X can't reach,X also sad but who know?

problem??

I don't know how am i going to start this blog to express my feeling, it had been some times that i did not update my blog. Recently, facing some problem but when thing happen i did not tell anyone of my friend, i just keep it alone and start to think the way to solve it. Friend, i know you facing some problem, don't worry i will help you to solve those problem with you. Hehe..i don't know why i like to discuss the problem with you when you tell me your problem, i enjoy the time with you. Don't worry no matter what happen i still will stand beside you as i can. My problem..i also don't know how to describe also, perhaps i can use time to think and find the solution to solve the problem. I didn't tell anyone that what problem that i facing, because i don't wish to become their burden when they having and facing their own problem. I don't wish they unhappy because of me maybe i also need to think the way to solve by myself, don't worry i know what am i doing right now. Thanks friend for understand that why i didn't tell you my problem when i face it, give me some time to solve it, if i really can't bear then i will find you and i also know that you will always beside me wherever you are. I know you are concern about me, don't worry me. I know every problem is a challenge in my life, if i can solve it that mean i learn something and gain experience from there. in this world nothing is free, if you want to get or gain something you must pay something.

this few days i chat quite lots with her, slowly i know many things that i don't know in past. i not sure after i know those is good or bad for me, but when she said i just quiet and listening without give her any advice or comment. is her word make me like this? i not sure...perhaps is not..

08/10/08

yesterday he online again, and he did find me and chat. this time he still ask me the same thing, which is how are you?then i just answer his question i said so so, and asked him back how are you? he answered that just like that,still same and still alone. after that he tried to explain to me that that day he said break not because of the girl, end up he and the girl also no together. when i heard that i just said past already, no need explain to me. i know he still worry about me, he knew he hurt me quite deep so he want to make sure that i ok maybe he feel guilty to me but all that also past. certain hurt and pain it doesn't recover in short term, even long term also will feel pain and will not recover easily. slowly and slowly i feel much better after few weeks make myself busying with my stuff till very late only rest, i knew if i continue like that i sure will fall sick but i don't wish i still got time to think other things to remind him and those memory that me and him passed through. after that i sent him a message said that i just wish he happy, no matter he couple with who i also will wish him and i also said that i feel much better asked him no need worry about me. maybe got people will feel i stupid why still send message to him, but i also treat him as a friend only, no more others.. i don't wish to hate him i know its tired if i hate someone, maybe its better that i treat him as a normal friend that i having..

p/s: today i went to dentist appoinment again,haiz..very pain..thanks for your forgiveness..i will appreciate with that..will not repeat same thing again..

presentation..

today i wake up late,i suppose to wake up at 6:40 i wake up but switch off the alarm and continue sleep until 7:30 only wake up automatically then i shock that because i know i will late then faster prepare my thing and try to go out from house before 8am only will not late to college to practice our role play for the last time before presentation started..i dressed up as formal suit and i not sure whether is it look like a boss but i just know because of this presentation i wear the shoes that make my leg very painful and hurtful and have to stick 6 plaster each leg stick 3 plaster..haiz.because of the shoes i have to take off my shoes and walk in the corridor that without shoes with my friend hahaha...funny right?? we walked without shoes to find lecturer and lecturer ask us why we take out our shoes? we said because leg very pain, lecturer also laugh..not only lecturer when we walk in the corridor we knew that many people look at us when we walked thru the corridor but we did not bother because our leg very pain..is that the price that we need to pay??haha..today presentation..so far i think is quite good..our group member did put much effort for this role play hopefully we can get the high mark for this role play..when the role play was started the lecturer record all the group performance..after the presentation 5 members take picture as a memory..hehe..

p/s: to all my friend, i know all of you been worried about me since yesterady night, but i need time to get my way out and will force myself to accept the FACT that i need to accept once it happened to me.i know i have to bear with those complicated with myself once the thing happened to me, maybe i still will remind those memory with that but i believe i can do it..thanks all my fellow friend that you all still care me let me feel that no matter what happen you all still around me as well..thanks..

studies...

yesterday i whole night no sleep, until this morning 7 am something i only fall asleep but keep on awake after an hour i sleep which mean i awake at 8 something then i continue sleep and awake at 9 something until 12pm something i only wake up from sleep. when i wake up i feel bit headache and hungry..hehe..this time break my record again..i never thought that i can whole night no sleep but yesterday i did it..hmm....nothing to be proud of also...haha..tonight i have to sleep early very sleepy and tired, if tonight i sleep late again i sure become panda..hahaha..after wednesday i have to revise and prepare for my mid-term test for this friday..after that i have to rush for assignment then have to rush for final exam..then my semester will end lo..but now i have to suffer for few weeks before my semester going to end..temporary for now...i just want to study and do all the thing that i supose to do then only solve those thing that i need to solve..i don't wish there is something can make me lost my attention on study..other than that..i don't want think first, this semester my life looks like very busy than my long semester, everything have to rush and rush..somemore got continuosly few days morning class..this semester can make me become a panda..haiz..

are you ok?

hehe...today my cousin accidentally found the profile i wish to find..later i will go to see the profile as well..hehe..finally today is a raining day...after rain the weather very good and very nice..i like rainy day as well...every time raining...your word automatically will appear in my mind and make me reminds on you even it passed more than 1 year..long time we did not meet each other hope that you can pass your life with happy..hmm..have to prepare myself for study for my test and final exam..this time i have to get the high marks as i can..tonight my dinner...finally can eat with my family but during the dinner..my brother keep on saying and satire me until i speechless...haiz.this kind of brother...don't know should happy or sad..when he not around then i feel boring and lonely, but when he came back i feel...don't know how to describe...hahaha...opps..now i only remind that i need to find a person...he seems like having some problem, but...i hard to find him..hopefully he is alright with his problem..my another "brother" anything you can find me and share with me..do you know that day you said half to me about your problem then i seldom see you online after that day..i very worry about you..anyway..i hope that you can online as you can because i want to know what happen to you and make you so suffer..hopefully that you are alright at there...

feeling..

hehe...finally i can eat the thing i wish to eat for so long..at first i thought i will go eat with you because you promise me that when you come back you will fetch me go to eat but.....at last i eat with my college mate..i go eat lunch with her then we continue shopping to search something that we want to get..we walk and chat many thing because we have no meet for long time and hard to get chance to eat together and chat together like first time we study in college..i very enjoy the lunch with my college mate, and also very miss the time i spend my time with them, that time all of us sure very happy. now seems like very hard to meet them because all of us taking different subjects...hmmm...last night i got a surprise..hehe..finally my brother came back from Kampar and before he came back he told us that he will come back on next wednesday but he came back yesterday without tell us...hahaha...my mother get surprise that when he stand outside the door...yeah...finally he came back and at least i not so lonely...hehehe...anyway..he came back he also very busy because many people miss him as well...wonder that what kind of formal suit is suitable for a character of a "boss"..hahaha...next week i will have presentation after that i have to rush for assignment and also my test before my semester end..but before my semester going to end, i have to "meet you" for few weeks and few times..even though i knew that i sure will meet you accidently once i knew you study same college with me..and i also know that what should i do or what my reaction when i meet you..i wish i can no need meet you, because.... I DON'T WISH TO MEET YOU HONESTLY...