complicated...?

haha..today very happy from the moment i wake up this morning, so my whole day is with happy mood and feeling. last night i almost 2am only went to sleep, i chat with friend until forget the time even i very tired also. thats why today when i wake up, i feel very tired and sleepy wish to sleep again for few minutes after you wake me up by sms me, but you keep on sms me and make me cannot fall asleep and reply your message said that i were woke up then i go to prepare my stuff to attend my first lesson for new semester. finally i can know my result when i meet my head department she told me my result and tomorrow i have to meet her again for more detail. tonight i really need to rest early, because i feel like not enough sleep. today i check back my planning sheet i only know that i am kinda slow i have to work harder to finish and graduate as soon as possible if not i also don't know when will i graduate...hmm...i seldom can have happy mood like today. today i only learn 1 new thing from someone..that is..no matter is love or friendship or what if is not yours it wouldn't belong on you it sure will leave you on one day..i understand this theory if apply in love, but if apply in friendship, i now only learn it and realize it as well...maybe that is not belong on me as well..it might just a part of my life, thanks to come and become a part of my life..not everyone can get back the things that you lose it, i wearing a present from my mum few years ago but i lost it today, luckily i can found it at somewhere, i understand that i not the person who can always so lucky and get back the thing i lost..i know the thing keep on get back previously but today...i know it correctly that i will lose it forever..wouldn't be back anymore..i sure that..even don't wish that happen on me, i think also useless to say or do anything right now..its too late..

i believe

again today is rainy day, i feel very cold. today i have a different feeling with the rainy day for past few days. i feel today's the rainy day and inside my feeling is same, perhaps is crying silently. this morning i wake up by my little niece she knock my door and wake me up, so cute hehe..actually before she knock the door i wake up by those relatives noises and sms with someone but i get a shock news that i don't ever think will happen on me, i did not tell anyone unless her. she is not my friend even i hope i can be friend with her but i know her and she know me too, i told her the shock news then she ask me 1 question that i also don't know how to answer. start from tomorrow i will change it, totally change it someone make me change it, i couldn't take it i will lock it with password that no one will know and enter it. i also don't wish become like this but it seem like its the best way for me right now, hmm, tomorrow having my first class for new semester, is a new and hard challenge for me in this semester but i will try my best to take it because i have to do it no matter how hard it is, i don't want waste my time on useless thing and stuff. to make a decision is need many brave to do it, once you decide then don't turn back, cannot regret and cannot keep on think others to make yourself lose your own direction again, once you lost your direction you are hard to find it. i haven't make a decision, i guess i will have the decision soon..i believe..

rainy day

today feel very tired, feel tonight must sleep early. this few days is rainy day, so the weather is not very hot and is nice to sleep at night. afternoon i went to shopping with my family at Sungai Wang, because they want to buy some stuff for themselves so i just follow them instead stay at home alone. mum looking for new shoe, dad looking for camera then i looking nothing i just follow them hehe...i accompany them go to find shoes shop, i just walk around with them as i also long time no go there. at the same time there also having a competition about the changes for 15 girls in 28 days after using Adonis see which girl can get the highest mark then she will be the winner. at there i saw Malaysia top model Amber Chia and Hong Kong Actress Myolie Wu, both are beauty. ok back to the title, for me i quite like the rainy day as well because i feel like is just same like human when you face something that you cannot take it and feel want cry you may do it, then after cry you will be better than you force yourself that not crying. someone told me that when the weather is rainy day there is someone crying, i also don't know whether the person said that is correct or not, but every time raining i will ask myself is there anyone crying again in a corner that we don't know? hehe..sound like a bit stupid, i also long time no meet the person as well, perhaps i am avoiding the person..hehe..but rainy day really give me a feeling that after i release my stress and those sadness in my heart. maybe not everyone like the rainy day as well because they will feel raining have to bring umbrella and cannot wear this and that, but i like it haha..this weather is really nice to sleep..so wish tonight can have a nice sleep before my new semester is going to start..i like rainy and cloudy day as well..

thank you..

every time i start my blog with today feel like bit sien..just now i went out for dinner with my mother because she need to go boutique to take something, but she don't really know the exactly place for the boutique so she drive the car keep on finding but still cannot find it. then we decide go to eat dinner after that only go to find again, so we go to eat steamboat. i just can eat the soft food others my mum finish it hahaha.. because i also feel hard to eat anything so i try to eat slowly perhaps i can finish all the food, but those soft food actually also hard to swallow it. after that we go to find the boutique again, finally we find it. the shop is bigger than previous shop, is nicer and the worker i just can recognize 1 worker, and another 1 i don't recognize maybe is new worker. the worker that i can recognize help my mother take some cloth for her to test, some i feel quite nice but some maybe not suitable for my mother so she just take few cloth at last, then i also get 1 cloth from the shop. today i finish the movie that i want to watch from youtube, finally i can finish it by today erm, quite nice for me but i know that not everyone like it. and actually i also want to thanks that you accompany me while your colleague is on leave and try to make me happy or even say joke to me..so i know i will appreciate what you did today..thanks..

i will bear with it as well..

today..feel very hungry, very very hungry wish can have a nice breakfast when i open my eye from sleeping. last night i very early went to sleep, even you sent me message i also no reply, i thought i can have a nice sleep, but i am not. i always awake from sleeping last night, erm, i think more than 3 times i awake from sleeping. i also not sure what thing make me keep on awake from sleeping, but once i awake i just got 1 feeling that is painful. that is why i keep on want sleeping because sleep can let me temporary forget the painful, nothing i can do with the braces even dentist said if i can't bear the pain then just eat the panadol but i don't want, i know i can bear the painful as well. but this morning when i wake up i feel the painful feeling is worst than yesterday, i tell myself never mind i can do that, i sure can pass through the pain with myself..it is very very hard to do it, even though i know i will get the pain when i decide to put braces..i still have 2 or 3 more years to go for the braces, which mean i wear this braces more than 1 year, in this 1 year i did not eat any painkiller when i bear with the pain because i don't wish to eat that that is why i continue bear with it..but this time is very very pain, until i almost give up and eat painkiller..no matter open or close mouth i feel the pain, even sneeze or eat i also have to be careful. who can understand the feeling well? i understand that beauty need to pay the price, after go through those painful i will get a nice teeth..perhaps i really can go through those painful as well..

p/s: just now your support to me i appreciate,but i sure you will forget again once you busy with your work, even though you apologize to me that you can't accompany because of your work, but you wouldn't understand that when i need your comfort i always get nothing even i understand why you work so hard..i know you tired and work hard but i also wouldn't make you feel that i am your burden for you.

19/8/08

today i went to dentist there for check up, i almost late for the appointment luckily i not late..haha..i run all the way but still late for few minutes..lucky no one scold me..don't know why every time almost need spend 1hour at there, the guy dentist keep on check my teeth and braces then he exchange his opinion with another dentist after that he also do the thing that he suppose to do for me..the guy dentist is the dentist that he will check my braces when i have the appointment..he check my braces quite detail and he no careless for everything while he help every patient checking..wah..he really make my teeth pain and make the braces more tight..while he help me make my braces tight i feel very pain, and also put the elastic on my braces..dentist also teach me the way wear the elastic and he also said that the elastic everyday have to change once after dinner and have to wear it 24 hour..oh my god, that will make me hard to open my mouth to talk because feel like something make my mouth cannot open wide..and my dinner..i also don't know what i have to eat..so i just drink some hot drink and mushroom for my dinner, hope tomorrow will be feel better and i forget the pain of the braces..erm..feel like don't know how many days cannot talk much..hmm..don't know who can understand my feeling right now leh...???

thanks for everything..

today i received a message from the one of the person who i very care, that is my brother..obviously he is not my real brother, but he is a very good friend of mine and i always treat him as my brother, and he also treat me as his sister..actually i quite glad that i can know him from online game then we leave each other contact number and keep contact until now..i know him already 3 years, in this 3 years even though argued with him but our relationship still the same without changes..just now his message make me feel very happy and his word useful to me. he won't force me do something that i dislike and will help me if i need his help, sometime i am thinking if he really is my brother what will happen? is it still same like now? or worst than my relationship with my real brother? haha..in this 3 years he and me pass through everything, many people will suspect what is our relationship? couple? best friend? sister and brother? or what? even my mum also will ask me why i so close with him? i just answer her that he is my very good friend that i very appreciate, me and he share everything no matter in study, love, live and many..very thanks his message for me, his message really give me a lots of support. even though now he at Kampar studying luckily he still remember me this jie jie as well..hehe..di di..jie jie very happy that can know you, and i sure you know what jie jie treat you also..thanks i really appreciate..